Mr Nice Guy
by Christina-lives-here
Summary: This story is COMPLETE! GTAP-Get Travis a Personality
1. Default Chapter

Title: Mr. Nice Guy 

            Author: Christina-lives-here

            Rated: PG

            Disclaimer: If I owned Enterprise, I'd write better dialogue. 

            Summary: Travis is crazy. And evil.  At least in this fanfic. 

****************************************************************************************

            The hum of the engines was a familiar sound on the Enterprise. Eventually, it just faded for each crewmember and became background noise, just something else to be ignored on the ship. Like Travis Mayweather. 

            The halls were quiet and conveyed a drab grayness, nothing really unique. Just like Travis Mayweather.  

            In the mess hall, officers were eager to grab the pecan pie, but precious few even glanced at the mashed turnip. You know I'm going to say just like Travis Mayweather, right? 

            Well, Travis was sick of it. Clearly, he was the most charming, intelligent male member of the crew. As far as he was concerned, Archer needed to iron his forehead, Tucker needed to return his wardrobe to the dumpster he found it in, and Reed needed to pull that stick out of his ass. Unless Reed enjoyed it there, of course.

Perhaps a plan was in order… yes, an _evil_ plan. A plan so sick and disgusting yet in a glorifying and….. 

            "Travis! I told you to change course! What's the matter with you?" Startled, Travis whipped around to stare into the eyes of his nemesis, I mean Captain. 

            "Sorry, sir. I guess I was just daydreaming. Changing course, sir!" Turning to his station, he mumbled, "I'll get you Archer, and your little dog too…."

            "WHAT WAS THAT, ENSIGN?" 

            Thinking quickly, Travis turned around and said, "I said, 'I'll get through, Archer, even though I'm new."

            Archer raised an eyebrow. Travis gave him his most dazzling smile. 

            "Proceed, Ensign. Be aware, however, that we are not on a first name basis. I'm _Captain_ Archer." 

            "Of course, sir." Smile still frozen on his face, Travis changed course. For like the _zillionth _time. Travis wishes _he _had a starship to cruise the galaxy in. Then maybe _he_ would command the respect that _he_ deserves. 

            _No matter. Soon I will put my plan into action, and Archer will get what he deserves._ _HAHAHAHAHAHA. _

"What the hell is wrong with you, Travis? What's so funny?" 

_ Did I laugh out loud? I must learn to curb my maniacal laughter in public. _

Travis pasted another smile on his face. Slowly turning to face Archer once more, he said, "Nothing, of course. Sir." 

************************************************************************

            Leaning back in his chair, Archer wasn't so sure. He had noticed Ensign Mayweather's odd behavior lately, and he was beginning to become unnerved by it. 

_Maybe I'll get Phlox to medicate him._

            ******************************************************************************

This is my very _first_ fanfic, and I would _love_ to hear from you. If you love it, hate it or want me to continue, please review!


	2. Anger

Title: Mr. Nice Guy, Chapter Two

Author: Christina-lives-here

Disclaimer: If I owned Enterprise, I'd have a lot more money to spend. 

Summary: Travis begins to formulate a plan. 

************************************************************************ 

_Finally_. Stretching, Travis stood and headed toward the turbo lift. Dinner was in order. After all, one can't plan evil plans on an empty stomach. 

Walking through the doors of the mess hall, the first things Travis noticed was that the only thing left was mashed turnip. _No matter. Let the others eat their precious pecan pie. Ketchup always makes turnip taste better._

Piling the turnip on his plate, Travis noticed Trip sitting with Hoshi. _At least Hoshi has the decency not to look bored,_ he thought. 

Deciding to grace her with his presence, he sat down at their table and winked at Hoshi. "Hey Travis," said Trip, smiling. "Hoshi and I are kinda having a _private_ conversation. If you don't mind. Can we catch up with you later?" 

Inwardly, Travis had the urge to wipe the smile off Tucker's face. Outwardly, Travis put the smile on he had been practicing for months on his face.  

_Private? I'll give you private! Is an airlock private enough for you? _

"Of course not, _Commander._ I have to be going anyways. Have a _pleasant_ evening." Leaving his turnip, he jumped up and ran out of the mess hall. Trip gave him a funny look. "Uh, yeah you too, Travis." Turning back toward the table, Hoshi gave Trip a questioning look. Trip made a loopy sign around his head.

Stomping down the hall, he took out his tape recorder. "Trip. _Hate _him. He will pay for his _privacy!_ HAHAHAHAHA." Pausing, he waited long enough for the random ensign walking down the hall to disappear. "Oh, and steal more dog biscuits to mash in Archer's food. _Chef's special ingredient_." Putting the recorder back in his pocket, he nearly collided with Lieutenant Reed. 

"Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, Ensign, but Martinez can't make his shift. Out with the flu, or so I've heard. The Captain would like you to take his place. Since I was on the way to the mess hall, I said I'd relay the orders." Reed took a step back when he realized Travis was grinding his teeth and clenching his fist. "Are you alright, Ensign? You look….

************************************************************************ 

Malcolm was not about to tell the Ensign he looked crazy. He may have been the Armory officer, but he was no fool. 

************************************************************************ 

"….a little _peckish. _But, I'd better be going now. The Commander saved me a plate of food. There's never anything good left at this time in the evening." 

As Reed hurried away, Travis calmly took out his recorder. "Stash gay porn at Reed's station. Make sure _T'pol_ finds it so he'll have no chance with her." 

_Yessssss..... He'll be sorry for being the Captains PUPPET!_

Travis knew he needed a really _evil _plan to get back at all those who insulted his being. They would be sorry for giving him TWO lines in 'Twilight' and killing him off right away. For Christ's sake, they weren't even _hiding_ the fact that his chair was worth more than him. Of course, it had to be better than a laxative in the pecan pie. Although…. 

"Exlaxx, pecan pie. HAHAHAHAHA." 

Stepping onto the turbo lift, he nodded to another random ensign. At least during the night shift he could brush up on his voodoo. And fart in Archer's chair. Repeatedly.  


	3. Anger, the sequel

Title: Mr. Nice Guy

Author: Christina-lives-here

Rated: PG

Disclaimer: If I owned Enterprise, I'd do a remake of a classic Hitchcock film, because Hitchcock is just so good. 

Summary: Travis's plans fall into place. 

************************************************************************ 

            Travis flexed in the mirror. All that _spare_ time he's had lately has had one advantage. Unlike some of his other illustrious comrades, he didn't need to tie _his_ sleeves around his waist to hide anything. 

_Man, I am HOT! Too bad I can't go topless around Hoshi more often…. _

            Well, back to work. Sitting down at his desk in his cramped and yes, dull quarters he looked over his plans again. Well, what he considered his plans. Among the empty juice boxes and half eaten pizza, he had the entire specs for Enterprise. And he colored it himself. Of course, the specs were colored on the empty pizza boxes, but Travis didn't concern himself with that. 

 Now, all he needed to do was get a phaser… 

            "Phlox to Ensign mayweather." 

Now Travis certainly wasn't the suspicious type, but he could have sworn that Phlox didn't capitalize his name. How could he tell? Hey, I'm just a writer here. Travis is the crazy one. 

Grinding his teeth, Travis stood up and answered the doctor. "Ensign Mayweather here, sir." 

"You haven't forgotten our appointment have you Ensign? You are 15 minutes late." Travis rolled his eyes. "Are you feeling okay, Ensign? Usually you are quite prompt." 

_Well, you seem to be the only one that notices THAT. And that could mean a hitch in my plan…_

"I'll be right there." 

************************************************************************

            Sitting on the biobed, Travis pasted a smile on his face as the good doctor asked him many _unwanted_ questions. Travis could understand the ones about his mental health as many of the crewmembers have been looking at him funny lately, but he wasn't sure what his sex life had to do with anything. 

_I think the doctor may be coming on to me…he seems to be writing a lot down in that journal… _

Finally, Travis saw his chance. When Phlox turned his back to him (which was stupid if you think about it, turning your back on someone you think is potentially _crazy_) Travis hit him over the head with the closest thing to him… a pillow. Needless to say, Phlox was _not_ knocked out but instead was startled and accidentally injected himself with Travis's 'medicine'. Then he was knocked out. By the medicine, I mean. 

Travis whooped and ran out of Sickbay. It was time to put his plan in motion. Revenge will be his! 

Running past other crewmen, Travis was well aware at how much they were staring at him. 

_I knew I should go topless more often. _

As Travis entered his quarters, he knew he could begin his plan. He would not be disturbed any more… 

************************************************************************

Back on the bridge, none of the other crewmembers even noticed that the only thing sitting in Travis's chair was his stuffed clothes. 

"Change course, Ensign," said Archer as he leaned back in his chair. Travis's chair didn't respond. Archer didn't seem to notice.

_I'm glad I sent Travis to see Phlox. He seems much calmer today._

***********************************************************************

Just wanted to say thank you for all the feedback I got. It really encouraged me to continue writing! And I promise no more cliff hangers. I'll finish the story soon!


	4. Payback, Baby

Title: Mr. Nice Guy 

Author: Christina-lives-here 

Rated: PG 

Disclaimer: If Enterprise was mine, Archer wouldn't be so damn moody, T'Pol would act more Vulcan, Reed would blow more things up, Phlox would ask more people about their nonexistent sex life, Hoshi would get more lines, and Mayweather would be crazy. 

Summary: This is the final chapter, boys and girls. Sorry about delay. 

************************************************************************ 

Travis dived through the piles of garbage looking for the pizza box…. the pizza box with his master plan on it. In retrospect, it wasn't such a good idea to write it on a piece of cardboard. 

I guess I'll just have to improvise. That's ok; I'm good at that. The fact that my "Boomer Improv Comedy" group failed says nothing. It was all my idiot brother's fault. Why is he the favorite? It better not be because I'm crazy, that's for sure. Anyhoo.. 

Travis snuck into the hallway, making sure no one saw him. The slightest misstep could point the finger in his direction.

"Hey Travis! I thought I just saw you on the bridge." Grimacing, Travis turned to face his accuser. It was Ensign Mary Sue. God, he hated her most of all. 

"Just out and about for a little walk, Mary Sue. No cause for alarm." 

I will ground your bones and make mashed potatoes if you ruin my plan. It would make a nice accompaniment to the TURNIP! 

"That's so funny! Especially since you look like you're about to rob a bank! What's with the nylon over your face?" 

Drastic times call for drastic measures. 

Travis screamed, "RUN AWAY, THE DANGER IS COMING, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! MY SKIN IS BURNING! WHERE IS PHLOX WHEN YOU NEED HIM?" 

As Mary Sue ran down the corridor, Travis congratulated himself on his cunning. Into his recorder he replied, "Disaster was narrowly averted in corridor outside my quarters. Mary Sue suspects nothing." Looking both ways, he muttered, "The black leather makes me look hot, not like I'm robbing a bank. I'll get rid of the nylon, however. Let it never be said I can't take constructive criticism."

************************************************************************ 

"Hey Ensign, how about some lunch? You've been working straight through the morning," Archer said.  Travis' clothes didn't respond. 

That Travis. Let it never be said he's not a good worker, no matter how crazy he gets. 

************************************************************************

Travis smiled evilly as he added his extra special ingredient to chef's pecan pie. After ex-laxxing chef's coffee, he had the entire kitchen to himself. Oh yes. He would hit the crew where it hurts the most: their food. 

Running through the kitchen, he randomly ex-laxxed the soup and veggie dip. He pulled down his pants and rubbed his butt in the salad. He sneezed all over the buns. He picked up each piece of pizza and licked them. But he wasn't done yet. He scraped what was on the bottom of his shoe and dumped it into the coffee made for the captain. And he wiped his armpits clean with the senior officer's napkins. But he wasn't done yet, oh no. 

Knowing full well that all senior officers took the lunch at the same time (if there were no impending crises on the horizon) Travis knew he would have almost full range of the bridge. 

Sneaking down the corridor, he waited behind the corner until he saw the Captain with T'Pol and Reed walk by. Hoshi was close behind

Travis jumped into the turbolift. Now for the real fun….

_Uh, wait, was that? _

It seemed that the turbolift had stopped. And Tucker was having lunch… which meant that one of his lackeys would have to fix the problem. And they wouldn't be in a hurry to do it either. Not after the prank he pulled, calling all their quarters last night saying the Captain desperately needed them in his ready room.__

"DAMN TRIP! DAMN HIM TO HELL!"  

************************************************************************ 

"You know, this salad is pretty good," said Trip, shoving down a mouthful. "The dressing is real tangy." 

Archer took a sip of his coffee and nearly spit it out all over the table. Grabbing his napkin, he inhaled and sputtered. "What the HELL? Who was in charge of washing these napkins? They smell like B.O! And my coffee's a little stronger than I like."  

T'Pol scrunched her nose in disgust. She would rather wipe her mouth on Trip's sleeve than use her napkin, and God knows where _that's_ been.  

I knew I smelt something funny in here. I mean more so than usual.

The intercom sounded. "Commander Tucker, we have a…. situation. On the lift to the bridge?" Trip sighed and got up. "Now what would that be, Mary Sue?" 

"Ensign Mayweather insists he's trapped in the lift and has taken hostages." Archer looked up, concerned. " How many, Ensign?" 

"Uh, sir, he's alone. We can see him on the security camera, and well, he has his socks on his hands. And he's calling them Bert and Ernie. And he's, well using Bert and Ernie in a most unmentionable way." 

Archer sighed. This was just not his day. 

************************************************************************ 

"Captain, I can assure you, I will be stringent with the Ensign's medication from now on. This sort of incident will never happen again." 

Travis heard this from his biobead and smiled. Evilly. 

_Oh we'll see…. We'll see…. And where are my socks?_

************************************************************************

I know this was a long time coming, but I finally sat down to finish this! Thanks for the patience, and hoped you enjoyed! Questions, comments, constructive feedback are all appreciated.


End file.
